Old times

I had a long talk with wenjun todae... on msn...its been really long since we tok so long... coz he always go off to bed like so early... and he replies very slow...
i dunno is it my sixth sense or something... but he's very bothered... he sayz i know him best... well considering the fact that we lasted for half a yr... and i knew him for almost 2 yrs b4 tat... i started reconsidering his sentence...
he thinks too much... well, i think very much as well... many ppl think alot as well... but never do i really see one that thinks so much until i can feel tat he thinks too much... too chim to understand? its like, when u interact wif ppl, occassionally u see tat the person is troubled... but even so, sometimes... the person don't show tat he/she think alot... but wenjun is one guy tat gives the impression of he tinks too much...
now and then, i feel like he's the second the Joel... why so... both of them have so much hurt in their past... and these hurts are actually acting out todae causing them to behave in such a manner... they have grudges... fears for certain things, certain kinds of ppl... and it's absolutely very difficult to break through this wall...
he is definitely very sensitive... yet so insensitive sometimes... arrogant... yet so sweet sometimes... maybe when u start to know a person well... n he's not ur bf... u see everything abt him... (coz bf is always perfect)... you see his good side and bad side... u try to help him improve his bad sides... and build on the good ones... but it is so difficult, becoz you dun wan to hurt his feelings...
we were good friends... can't really term up to very good.... i dint have many friends back then, neither now... as in those that u can pour hearts to... i had wenjun, jasmine, daphne, tonglong back then... now... everything revolves around jianyong... i dun term it healthy... its the sacrifice... a stupid one... i made... for a relationship in exchange with my friends'... now im starting to understand why gerald gave up his gf... if this was his reason...
wenjun was, and is still is, an online fren... we tok very well online... last time thru irc, now msn... maybe when u dun see each face to face... u tok better coz u can say everything... without "caring" so much for the consequences... the most, never to tok again loz... n in cases of embarrassment... dun need to worry abt awkward situations... he spent more time on the phone with daphne... come to think of it... even when we were together, we never really tok on the phone... our relationship grows online...
he thinks alot, n worries alot... but he keeps it to himself... that is why sometimes im rather afraid of him... coz i dun know what he is thinking... or how he thinks... i cant interpret or help him as much as i want to do so... i feel that there's a wall btw me n him... maybe this is a double layer wall
one is built by him, and one by me...
he is influenced by all his hurts of too trusting some one...
and me...
maybe oso by the hurts he caused...
actually, i have more or less overcome it... i dun tink abt it so often now... but like jian yong said, im afraid to face the fact that ... if one day wenjun saz he likes me again... i stand at a cross road...
i tink it as totally impossible... becoz of compelling factors... n i dun want to jeopardise two relationships tat i have built up till todae

wenjun is a fren, whether anot a good fren anot, i can't really say... but i hope and want to be there for him as a fren whenever he needs a listening ear... n when i need an audience... i hope to be able to find him for conversations...