Monday Blues

I feel that God must have withdrew from me because I have not kept myself holy and pure. Things really are not going well at all.
First, I have this whole chunk of telephone bills to pay for. $4000! where am I going to find so much money at one go??
Okay, it's is 100% my fault and for this, I have to suffer my own because nobody is going to help me at all.
(2) I have to face the consequence to answer to the office if anyone asks why I used so much phone. I really don't know how to answer. Unlike Rys who will really think about my usage, Raj is not helping at all. I hope Pla will not think of making me repeat history. No, I don't think it is possible.
(3) Today, got scolded by Suzuki-san
He is usually unreasonable and mean but we always try to step away from his toes. Guess these days I'm really underperforming.
I tend to feel tired, fall asleep at work, can't concentrate 100% at all
Sometimes, there's really nothing for me to do. It seems that I have lost my zeal and passion when I started 2 years ago. My concentration has all gone...
(4) Yes, I passed my JLPT4
But I'm losing interest really fast.
(5) I'm not telling anything to JY. I know this will be terrible to him for him to know.
How can I let him be upset again?

Dear Lord,
pls forgive me.
I know, everytime I pray the same things, praying for forgiveness. Never repent, never learn.
My bad habits keep coming back. In my other things in life, it's the same.
When will I ever learn?
Maybe I'll never learn.
How to continue to burn with passion for You?
My heart is dry and I am tired.
Lord, pls lead me.