Day 31
It's now 1 month after Rys has gone home. I am getting more used to operating FF w/o him. Capt.Ivan is giving plenty of problems and always asking too much questions. ( Had to stop for awhile, because talking about the devil, he just called...) Quite free now in the office shaking leg because PCR and RBQ are both doing nothing. RBQ will be re-delivered back to owners end of this month - very soon. So 1 less ship for me. Already have nothing to do, now it's going to get worst.
Just got a shell bomb - Jasmine is getting married! Such a sudden shock.
Suddenly, it dawned upon me - when is my turn? No point looking at flats or wedding packages, I doubt I will be getting married any time soon. Why am I so troublesome? Suddenly I feel that, the longer it drags, the more I don't want to get married anymore. JY doesn't understand it at all, and feels that I am putting pressure on him. Because, as it drags, I want to do so many things. I want to take Masters, which will take 2 years. Maybe the company wants to send me to London, then it will be in another 2-3 years before I get to go. By the time I return, maybe it's another 2-3 years althogether. Then suddenly I want to concentrate on my work and career, and all these will crash with family commitments. Knowing JY, he is a "family" man, and of course, he would probably expect children, and a housely wife (not necessarily housewife) and I would not be able to balance. How long more do I have to wait?
You know, sometimes I feel so stuck in my heart, so much things, but nobody understands.
And, nobody ever reads this page anymore,
so why am I still writing?
Just got a shell bomb - Jasmine is getting married! Such a sudden shock.
Suddenly, it dawned upon me - when is my turn? No point looking at flats or wedding packages, I doubt I will be getting married any time soon. Why am I so troublesome? Suddenly I feel that, the longer it drags, the more I don't want to get married anymore. JY doesn't understand it at all, and feels that I am putting pressure on him. Because, as it drags, I want to do so many things. I want to take Masters, which will take 2 years. Maybe the company wants to send me to London, then it will be in another 2-3 years before I get to go. By the time I return, maybe it's another 2-3 years althogether. Then suddenly I want to concentrate on my work and career, and all these will crash with family commitments. Knowing JY, he is a "family" man, and of course, he would probably expect children, and a housely wife (not necessarily housewife) and I would not be able to balance. How long more do I have to wait?
You know, sometimes I feel so stuck in my heart, so much things, but nobody understands.
And, nobody ever reads this page anymore,
so why am I still writing?
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